"In my daughter's eyes, I am a hero.I am strong an' wise,And I know no fear.But the truth is plain to see:She was sent to rescue me,I see who I wanna be, in my daughter's eyes."
Being a mother is something that I have always remembered wanting to be. Holding my dolls, naming and brushing their hair. There is not anything in this world that can compare to the love I have for her. She is shaping me to be a better person and to live a better life. I have so many dreams and ambitions for her to become a young lady that I am proud of. Corey and I have really realized that having God in our life and marriage is the answer. We want to be better examples to her. I am still in disbelief that my little 4lb 6oz bundle of joy is going to one. As we hear the elders say "they grow up too fast." We always ignored them. I wish I would have listened. So I would be prepared. Is there such a thing as being prepared for motherhood. There are a ton of books out there and a ton of people who will give you their voice but I don't think you can be prepared. Every child is different and every emotion is too. I am helping my daughter grow and learn what the world is like. To be honest I don't want to let her know. I don't want to teach her to worry, to hate, to forgive when your hurt, and to not trust everyone. I wish my daughter didn't have to deal with this. I really wish this world was a better place. Not only am I teaching my daughter how to take on this world, she is teaching me. She has taught me more than I think any person ever has. She has taught me to be a better person.
The death of Kain was the hardest thing I ever had to deal with. God had a better and higher plan for him that was too good to be on earth. He was beautiful, so very premature but had the most beautiful features. He looked peaceful and happy as he lay to rest in my arms. He didn't look like a normal baby, he looked to be an angel. My family's angel. His death made me angry, sad and confused. "Why would God take an innocent child from me?" I don't live a sinful life and the things that mean the most to me in life are my children. April 30th, 2009 I lost a part of me. There is not a day that goes by that my son is not on my mind. I miss him more than simple words could ever explain. I wish I would have had a chance at raising my beautiful innocent son.
My children have taught me more than ever. To be strong, to not give up, to love more than I thought possible, to see better in people and to believe.